Hermione Granger and the Snapely Hallows
by kci47
Summary: Hermione experiences a strange series of events after falling during the Final Battle. Written for the "Alphabet Drabbles" challenge on HPFC. WARNING: Pirates are involved!
1. Chapter 1

_**ache**_ **_(v.)_**_ - to suffer a usually dull persistent pain_

_**bliss**_ **_(n.)_**_ - complete happiness _

_**crumpled (v.)**_ _- to collapse _

* * *

Pain. There was nothing else but pain in the hazy, indistinguishable world of smoke and ash in which Hermione now resided. Down was up, light was dark, and it took all her concentration to keep breathing, keep sucking in the smothering stew that was air, fire, cinder, blood, and sweat all mixed together. Coughing, she stumbled forward, desperate to just _keep going_ despite the way her entire body ached. Her foot squelched in something that she was intensely grateful she was unable to see as she struggled to remain upright, struggled to just _move _until she could find cleaner air.

One last breath of fresh air before she died, that was all she wanted. She feared suffocating on the ashes of her friends. Through the smoke a flash of ugly, mud-brown light illuminated the area before cutting through her thigh. Her cry of pain was lost in the choking density of the final battle. _At least she hoped it was the final battle_. It was most certainly _her _final battle, a thought which both terrified and elated her. She didn't want to fight any more...she staggered...flung out her arms to steady herself... The darkness took her, and it was bliss.

No one saw as Hermione's legs gave out. No one saw as she screamed for Harry, for help. No one saw as she crumpled to the ground, bleeding, weakened, unable to breathe. No one saw the tears that leaked from her unconscious eyes. Someone stepped on her hand as they raced away from an unknown enemy, undoubtedly crushing her wrist. Another combatant tripped over her tangled legs, falling to their final resting place mere inches from her own. In the raging inferno of the Great Hall, Hermione was just a body carpeting the cold stone floor, like so many others.

* * *

**A/N: Written for "Alphabet Drabbles" on HPFC. These first three words were given to me, most of the rest I picked using a random word generator.** **This gets off to a pretty morbid start, but I promise that ridiculousness, some fluff, and pirates ensue! I'm not JK Rowling, much to the chagrin of my lonely bank account.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**danger (n.)** - harm, damage_

_**escape (n.)** - a means of getting free of_

_**fatigue (v.)** - weary with labor or exertion_

_**garden (n.)** - a plot of ground where herbs, fruits, flowers, or vegetables are cultivated_

_**hierarchy (n.)** - ranking of people according to ability or other standing_

* * *

Hermione's eyes snapped open, her body tensed to ward off the ever-present danger. She'd been waking up this way for close to a year now. Recognizing that she was safe in her bed, she relaxed and closed her eyes again. _Except that isn't right_, her mind whispered. _You're not in a bed, you're lying dead on the floor of the Great Hall. _This time she leapt up and reached for her wand, horrified when it was nowhere to be found. She was even more terrified when a familiar voice sounded nearby.

"There are no wands here, Miss Granger."

Danger, indeed.

* * *

Spinning to face Professor Snape, Hermione's eyes darted around the room, looking for an escape. This could not be good.

"You have nothing to fear from me, unfortunately," Snape spat bitterly. "It would appear that I am dead. And judging by your sudden appearance in my chamber, it would seem that you are, as well."

"No." The denial rushed to Hermione's lips. Frantically patting herself down, she reassured herself that she seemed to be whole and generally unharmed. In fact...she'd never felt better! The aches and pains from all the battles over the past few days seemed to be healed.

* * *

She wondered if Professor Snape had healed her. If so, she owed him gratitude, but she couldn't seem to force the words. Studying him, she realized that he, too, appeared in good health, which was surprising, giving the way they'd left him...

"Oh no," she whispered. "You _are _dead. I _died_? I _can't_ die!" She was wailing.

"Cease your schoolgirl antics," Snape snapped, moving closer. Now she could see how fatigued he was. "We are in the unique position of being on the brink between life and death. If we can find our way out, then there may be hope."

* * *

His harsh words perversely soothed her. _This_, she was used to. This, she could deal with. "What do we need to do?" she asked, prepared to set out immediately. He sneered at her enthusiasm.

"I was pondering that when you made your ungainly entrance," he said peevishly. "Falling out of nowhere like a misbehaved bowtruckle..." The rest of his mutterings were so quiet they did not reach her ears.

Looking out a small window, Hermione was dazzled by the sight that greeted her, and had to shade her eyes. "Professor? It seems we are in a garden of some sort..."

* * *

Snape scowled at her. Evidently it had not occurred to him to merely look out the window. Hermione let the curtain fall closed and spotted a door. "Shall we just...exit?" she asked, hand on the knob.

"It can hardly be worse out than in," he mumbled. Hermione smirked – it seemed that Professor Snape did not like not being the one in charge. The hierarchy was going to change, though, because she was not about to sit around moping with him if there was a chance she could make it back and help Harry. Gathering her courage, she gripped the doorknob and yanked.

* * *

**A/N: Getting slightly less serious, with much more to go... I'm not JK Rowling, because there are still pirates ahoy in a few chapters!** **Also, I modified the title, but it's still rather terrible.**


	3. Chapter 3

_**investigate (v.) **- to observe or study by close examination and systematic inquiry_

_**jealousy (n.) **- hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage_

_**kaleidoscope (n.) -** a variegated changing pattern or scene _

_**line (n.) **- something (as a ridge or seam) that is distinct, elongated, and narrow_

_**moss (n.) **- any of a class (Musci) of bryophytic plants characterized by a gametophyte having a small leafy often tufted stem_

_**note (n.) **- a printed comment or reference_

* * *

Hermione stepped into the lush garden outside the little room, eager to investigate, eyes squinting against the bright red sun. Wait, the bright _red _sun? What was this place? Whirling around to ask Professor Snape, she gasped in surprise. She was wearing a rather fitted, short dress with two wicked-looking knives strapped to her waist. Her legs were bare, she was wearing sturdy boots, her hair was tumbling loosely down her back, and she felt two large hoop earrings knocking against her neck. She also noticed that the little cottage had completely disappeared, and Professor Snape...well, he looked very unusual.

* * *

The black, loose-fitting pants and billowy shirt were nothing new, but the bright red sash, large sword, and rakish ponytail were enough to make Hermione's eyes pop. Mostly with unexpected interest, but she was hardly going to admit _that_.

"I'm quite jealous of your outfit," she told him once she'd located her voice. "Yours seems to cover a good deal more skin than mine." She frowned down at the hunter green frock, noticing the large gold buttons on the sleeves.

Professor Snape, too, seemed to be momentarily speechless as he examined her closely—perhaps too closely. Hermione's cheeks grew warm.

* * *

"Let us get this farce over with as quickly as we can, and hopefully then you will return to your normal, clothed self," he grumbled, finally averting his eyes. Hermione tugged her hem lower.

They set off, each fighting to lead the way. Hermione had no idea where they were headed, but she was distracted several times by the kaleidoscope of color and texture in the other-worldly garden. Neon pink flowers sprouted beneath royal purple trees, and blue grass surrounded ponds of deepest gold. It was at once both the most peculiar and most beautiful place Hermione had ever seen.

* * *

"Don't dawdle, girl, or we will be forced to stay here for eternity," Professor Snape growled.

Hermione's lips pressed into a disapproving line, but she didn't argue with him. She had no wish to remain here if there was a way for her to return to life. Which reminded her...

"Professor? Why are we here—together?" She was smart enough to be a little afraid of the answer. At first Professor Snape did not respond, and she began to wonder if he would just ignore her question entirely. Then, he sighed, stopping his lengthy stride but refusing to face her.

* * *

"You are familiar with the Resurrection Stone, I presume?" he asked, and she was shocked that someone else had heard of it. "Potter has it, even if he does not realize it yet. Dumbledore will have ensured it." Hermione ruthlessly tamped down the swell of sadness at hearing Harry's name. She hoped he was still alive, still fighting. Sinking onto a bed of moss, she almost missed what Professor Snape was saying. "...works similarly to the Stone. It would seem that it has the power to recall one other person to you when you are on the brink of death."

* * *

"What are you saying? I'm your 'one other person'? Why me?" Hermione's brain began to whir and she wished for a quill and a bit of parchment to take notes.

"I'd ruddy well like to know that too," Professor Snape muttered. "I had thought...but it does not matter. For whatever reason, you have been called to me instead of Li-anyone else. Now-"

"Wait. You were hoping for someone else? Is that why the room we left contained nothing but a bed? Is that why I'm in this ridiculous outfit?" Hermione knew her expression was probably of the slightly nauseous variety.

* * *

**A/N: Still not JK Rowling. I happen to think that pirate!Snape might be devilishly alluring if not traditionally handsome. And Hermione with daggers? Yeah...awesome. :) Hopefully it's somewhat clear here, but I envisioned Snape having somehow found a way to mimic the Resurrection Stone to some degree, and like when Harry sees his parents, Sirius and Remus, Snape is now seeing and talking to Hermione. Unfortunately, he thought he was going to get Lily, but she is far too busy with her son at the moment! **

**Pirates literally right around the corner!**


	4. Chapter 4

_**oar (n.) **- a long pole with a broad blade at one end used for propelling or steering a boat_

_**poison (n.) **- a substance that through its chemical action usually kills, injures, or impairs an organism_

_**quit (v.) **- to cease normal, expected, or necessary action _

_**reward (n.) **- something that is given in return for good done or received or that is offered or given for some service or attainment _

_**squid (n.) **- any of an order (Teuthoidea) of cephalopods having eight short arms and two usually longer tentacles, a long tapered body, a caudal fin on each side, and usually a slender internal chitinous support_

_**thunder (n.) **- the sound that follows a flash of lightning; a bang or rumble_

_**underneath (prep.) - **directly beneath_

* * *

"Be quiet, you silly girl!" Professor Snape snapped.

"But-"

"No! Listen! That is the sound of oars hitting the water!"

Hermione's mouth snapped shut so fast she bit her tongue. Straining her ears, she realized that the sound did indeed sound like a boat moving very quickly across the water. She was up and running before Professor Snape had a chance to say anything, and a quick glance behind her confirmed that he was racing towards the sound as well.

They burst onto a beach not moments later, out of breath from both the exertion and the sight before them.

* * *

The massive vessel cut cleanly through the water before halting just offshore. Indeterminable shouts from the deck reached their ears, and Hermione's eyes widened as pirates began to spill off the boat like ants. She watched them coming closer, intrigued, until Professor Snape stepped in front of her, blocking her from their view.

"Who are you and what business do you have with us?" he ground out in his scariest professor voice.

"Well, well, how the tides have changed!" a familiar voice called out. "I think we'll poison this one, don't you, mates?"

"You will not-"

Hermione stepped out. "Colin?"

* * *

"Hermione?" The youthful face of Colin Creevey peered back at her before splitting into a grin. He swept her off her feet in a hug full of enthusiasm. "Hermione! I'm so happy to see you—oh, no," he moaned suddenly. "You can't have died! You were our best hope!"

Hermione patted his back comfortingly. "It's alright-"

"Set her down...now," Professor Snape interrupted. Hermione felt Colin stiffen.

"You don't call the shots anymore, Professor," Colin retorted.

"If you do not quit this—_touching_—reunion at once, there is every likelihood that Miss Granger will be joining your ill-mannered little band permanently."

* * *

Colin dropped Hermione unceremoniously. Her "ow!" was drowned out by Colin's orders to his crew. "Parvati! Ernie! Get everyone back in the ship, _now_!"

There was a commotion as all the pirates—many of whom Hermione was now recognizing as fallen classmates—prepared the ship for immediate departure. "Come on," Colin said, grabbing Hermione's arm and hauling her towards the gangplank. "Letting you die for real would be no reward for everything you've done for the Wizarding world."

"What about Professor Snape?" she asked, looking back at the scowling man. Colin looked too.

"If that's what you want," Colin shrugged.

* * *

Once on the ship, Hermione was deluged with hugs and tears at her appearance in this strange underworld. Remus had been the hardest to greet, but friends like Parvati and Fred were equally sad to see. Even the Giant Squid was present near the ship. Hermione wished there was a way to take them with her when she and Severus left.

_Severus? Since when do we call him Severus? _She glanced over at the black-clad figure standing, alone, at the bow. His profile was thrown into harsh relief with his hair pulled back, and Hermione thought he looked somewhat... exciting.

* * *

She untangled herself from all the well-wishers and joined Severus at the rail. The thunderous sounds of departure canons made conversation impossible, so Hermione took the time to study him. It was vastly unfair that he, who had sacrificed so much to ensure Voldemort's downfall, was now trapped in the afterlife with no supporter but herself. She didn't know what would be required of them in order to escape this fate, but she fervently hoped she was up to the task. The boat was speeding through the water at an unbelievable pace, and Hermione feared she'd find out soon enough.

* * *

Severus' eyes found hers briefly before dropping lower. "Pity the school uniforms do not require students to dress like pirates," he murmured before looking at the water.

Hermione's eyebrows raised and her body hummed with a warm tingle. Clearing her throat, she replied, "Pity the teachers are not required to dress that way as well." She saw one corner of Severus' mouth tilt up in what probably passed for his biggest smile.

They sailed underneath a rocky ledge into a dark cavern, and Colin came to stand next to them. "This is where we leave you. Good luck, Hermione...Professor."

* * *

**A/N: Ahoy! Avast! Pirates at last! I realize it's a little wonky, but I love the idea of the dead friends and wizards as pirates patrolling the borders of the underworld, don't you? I always thought Colin didn't deserve to be killed off so rudely, and him as the pirate captain makes me feel a bit happier about the whole thing. And I am terribly sorry to have killed off Squiddy, but I think some Death Eaters (coughMacNaircough) would have purposefully run around killing creatures rather than wizards.** **I'm still not JK Rowling, which should be fairly obvious, because she would never churn out rubbish like this. And I say that with a great deal of fondness for this story. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

_**vice (n.) **- a moral fault or failing; a habitual and usually trivial defect or shortcoming _

_**wine (n.) **- the alcoholic fermented juice of fresh grapes used as a beverage_

_**xanthocyanopsy (n.) **- a form of color blindness in which only yellows and blue can be perceived_

_**youth (n.) **- the time of life when one is young; __especially_ the period between childhood and maturity

_**zip (v.) **- to move, act, or function with speed and vigor; to travel with a sharp hissing or humming sound_

* * *

Climbing the steep path cut into the side of the cavern was no easy feat, and Hermione and Severus were both winded when they reached the top. They hadn't encountered anyone—or any_thing_—the whole time, and Hermione was worried. Just then, a low growl reached them.

"Bloody beast, I'd hoped never to see you again," Severus sneered at the three-headed dog now blocking their path.

"Fluffy!" Hermione began to sing. Soon, he was asleep, and they crept past.

"How-"

"First year," she explained.

"Interfering busybody," he muttered under his breath.

"What can I say? It's a vice," she answered.

* * *

Once they were safely on the other side of Fluffy, Hermione let out a sigh of relief. If that was all...

"It seems we must call on your other accomplishment from first year, Miss Granger," Severus said, pointing to a row of brightly colored wine goblets.

"Hermione," she absent-mindedly corrected him. A piece of parchment rested next to them, and Hermione saw several lines of verse written on it. "A logic puzzle?" she laughed. "You can solve those in your sleep! Go ahead, you do this one." She indicated for him to step forward, but he remained confusingly still. "Severus?"

* * *

His lips pressed together in an unyielding frown, and he shook his head.

"But-"

"You must complete the task for us, Mi- Hermione," he snarled, pacing away from the rainbow of goblets.

"Okay, but you must at least tell me why," she said matter-of-factly. She sensed that this could be important.

Severus whirled around to glare at her before grinding out, "I have xanthocyanopsy." When she continued to stare at him, he added, "Colour-blindness. I see only blue and yellow."

"Oh!" She was surprised. "So that's why you wear all black."

He looked offended. "No. I happen to like black."

* * *

Offering a weak smile that did nothing for his scowl, Hermione turned her attention to the puzzle. She repeated the clues out loud as she worked through the verses. _Its left-side fellow... Butter yellow... Must devour... Within the hour... Compelled to truth... Waters from the Fountain of Youth..._

Finally, she selected what she hoped was the correct potion. Dividing it between two empty glasses, she handed one to Severus. "Same time?" she asked. Odd as it seemed, she was hesitant to leave. They had developed a peculiar camaraderie.

"Cheers," Severus intoned, raising his glass before tipping it to his lips.

* * *

Hermione squeezed her eyes shut as she zipped through a long tunnel. She wasn't sure whether Severus was behind her. She hoped they were both headed back to where they belonged. Her last thought before she passed out was of a dashing pirate with a hooked nose.

The stench of smoke woke her, followed by the searing pain in her wrist. Hermione grinned when she saw that she was in a battle-torn Great Hall. Scrambling to her feet, she barely stopped moving long enough to yell, "Snape!" to Harry before she zipped out of the castle and into the night.

* * *

**A/N: And here ends the alphabet drabbles. Never fear, though, I couldn't leave them like this so there is an epilogue. I actually happen to think that xanthocyanopsy, while an odd word, fits into this beautifully, don't you? I'm not the masterful JKR, in case this story hasn't convinced you.** **Also, my not-fully-genuine apologies for only including 'wine' and 'youth' in the barest senses of the words.**


	6. Chapter 6

"...and then I had to put Fluffy to sleep but of course that was easy enough, and the last trial was just a simple logic puzzle like Severus put in front of the Sorcerer's Stone!" Hermione finished her story breathlessly. After waking up in the Hospital Wing, surrounded by friends and Weasleys, everyone had demanded to know what had happened to her.

They'd been looking for her for close to an hour after Voldemort finally fell, but the dust and grime of the Great Hall—not to mention the pile of bodies—had disguised her to the point of non-recognition. She could hardly blame them for not wanting to look among the dead; _she _wouldn't have relished searching for Ron or Harry's body, either.

"And you knew to go look for Snape _how_?" Ron asked incredulously.

"I told you, he was there with me the whole time," Hermione said impatiently. She'd retrieved his unconscious body from the Shack, bringing him directly to Madam Pomfrey. She hadn't seen either of them since, and no one seemed to have any news regarding his fate. He had been so badly wounded, and it had come as somewhat of a shock to Hermione, who not moments earlier had been toasting their continued existence with him in a large cave. Dressed as pirates. _Sexy _pirates.

Clearing _that _vision out of her head, she looked at her friends. Seeing the many expressions of disbelief around her, she elaborated. "It turns out he had some kind of Resurrection Stone—not the real one, but something similar. When he died, it sent him to this little room, and he was there waiting for me when I arrived. Well, he wasn't waiting for _me_, exactly," here Hermione blushed, "but he was there when I showed up. He said I had been called to him, or something."

Harry's mouth fell open. "You mean—he summoned you as he was dying?"

"I don't know," she responded. "I doubt it. He didn't seem too happy to see me. Why?"

"It's just...I mean, before I met Voldemort in the Forest, I used _my_ Stone, and my parents and Remus and Sirius came. It's weird, isn't it? You'd think Snape would've seen my mum, or Dumbledore at least."

"Weird, yeah," Hermione murmured, not wanting to admit that Severus _had _been waiting for Lily. She realized now that Lily must have been busy with Harry. Remembering the large bed in the cottage, she flushed a bright, mortified red. Hoping to avert questions, she blurted out the first thing she thought of. "I saw Remus too! He was one of the pirates."

Their talk turned to the large number of fallen comrades, and Hermione answered their questions as best she could about everyone on the ship. After reassuring the survivors that the pirates had seemed happy and healthy, Hermione began to nod off. Maybe when she woke up, there would be news about Severus.

* * *

"That hideous gown does nothing for your figure," a voice rasped near Hermione's head, startling her awake. Severus was sitting next to her bed, propped up by mountains of pillows in a wheelchair. "I believe I preferred the other one."

Unsure of their relationship now that they were out of the bizarre underworld, Hermione took her time formulating a response. True, the hospital gown was a standard-issue robe of unremarkable gray, but was Severus flirting with her or just striking up a conversation about their adventure? The teasing light in his eyes grew fainter the longer she tried to figure out what to say, until finally, "I liked your big sword!" fell from her lips.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wanted to _Accio _them back. What an unfortunate sentence _that _was. She squeezed her eyes closed and felt her face grow warm. A harsh sound filled the room and Hermione leapt up, convinced they were under attack. Gripping her wand, she spun in a slow circle, until she was finally facing Severus again. And he was...laughing?

"Professor, are you-"

Severus' laughter slowed as he was racked with coughs. Madam Pomfrey burst out of her office and came running over, admonishing Severus for being out of bed and straining his voice so soon after his injury. Hermione sat timidly on the edge of her bed, waiting for Madam Pomfrey to return to her office. After many "tsks" and several glares, the Mediwitch retreated, and Hermione was left alone with Severus again.

"Are you alright, Professor?" she asked.

"I am no longer your professor," his scratchy voice announced. "You may call me Severus, Hermione. I think we have earned that much."

Swallowing thickly, Hermione dared to meet his eyes. The black depths bored into her own, and the lack of his usual disdain for her made her bold. "So, Severus, may I presume this means I might be able to see your sword one day?"

His renewed laughter brought Madam Pomfrey over again, but neither of them cared. Wiping her eyes on her sleeve, Hermione voiced the concern that was nagging her still. "You were waiting for Lily in that cottage," she murmured quietly.

"Yes," he answered roughly, and Hermione's heart fell. "But I soon realized that the person summoned to me—that's you—was the one person who was most determined to save me from death. And Lily would never have braved pirates, a demented dog, and unknown potions for my sake. She is in the past, where she belongs."

Hermione allowed a grin to spread across her face. "I guess the only question now is whether any of that was real or if it was all happening inside our heads."

"Of course it was real." Severus glanced furtively around the room before drawing a small bit of fabric out from under his blanket. Hermione gasped as he held it out to her, marveling at his ability to have held onto it despite everything they'd been through. If she'd had doubts before, this erased all of them.

It seemed the green dress was not lost, after all.

* * *

**A/N: Three cheers for the S.S. Hogwarts and its merry band of scalawags! If WB ever wants to do a spin-off, I think Harry Potter and the High Seas would be fairly amusing. Anyway, thank you for reading this silly tale, and I hope I have not entirely destroyed your faith in fanfiction. I imagined Hermione meeting Severus sort of like Harry met Dumbledore in Kings Cross, and then it turned into a pseudo-Resurrection Stone, and anyway my point is that writing drabbles with alphabet prompts was far more challenging than I anticipated! Especially as I keep my drabbles to 100 words.**

**I believe I'll leave the title as is (the Snapely Hallows one) since it's better than the first one, although still not that great. Oh well.**


End file.
